Aftermath: Reflection of onesself.

Listening to: [ The Corrs - Little wing ]

Before i go to bed tonight, i looked at the first canvas i ever painted.

I feel that piece was very powerful and turned out really well in how it expresses my emotion towards a certain opinion or stance.

I thought about everything that has happend, and i realise i'm more collected than i ever had been in my life. My new pro-found obsession is candles and canvas.

I'm going to make it my personal goal to buy tons tomorrow and begin my series of collections that basically expresses who i feel on anything. I'm a sentimental sucker.

The ability to channel how i feel at the end of the day makes me feel proud that somehow that's how i was feeling all along. I feel incredibly alive.

I'll post them ALL here as well as my new room when daylight hits tomorrow.
There's another note i thought i'd like to put down... a long time ago i was talking to my beloved cousin Avon (an incredibly talented artist in NY) and i was reading through some of her letters to me that she sent a long time ago. Basically always telling me i should channel my artistic vision and take it as far as i can go.

I still hold her very close to my heart... always. It was her that had always believed in me and what i did since iw as only 10.

Last we spoke i was in university doing commerce and just making money, doing something i hate and she told me to basically leave it and follow my heart.

I was naive and thought what i was doing at the time was right for me even though when i knew as time went by i hated office politics, i hated mercedes and their superficial bullshit... it would make her smile knowing she had been right about me all this time and i could safely say there was never a doubt in my mind what i'm capable of. I don't know HOW, but she knows!

Even a letter addressed to my sister i found written in 1999, she mentioned that there's something about my art and i should not hide it like her brother Manuel (Whom my middle name was named after.) and told Jenny to encourage me. I thought it was very enlightening and cute and how i desperately want to speak to her now.

I miss her as a mentor, my friend and my older sister.

-Jay