judgement day

Watching: DVD [Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban]

It's raining, and has been for the past 18 hours.

The dry lands really need it and i need it for some sleep. The same time it feels like some burden of mine has been washed away but i'm trouble by one.

My letter arrived from Monash today. Looks like i have to see the board.
I'm extremly petrified, simply because i feel determined to really have a good go at studying this year. I hate the idea of not being in control of my life and i don't dare to even think what i would be doing this year if i'm not studying. This has re-affirmed my intentions of studying and really trying to better myself by seeing if i can accomplish something that is not exactly easy.

I'm starting to realise this is what i want and not for the benefit or namesake of my family anymore but rather for my own benfit and self satisfaction.

I'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little depressed and said if i had someone to talk to.
Speaking of which things between me, lam and helen still has not been resolved. I've given up on Helen because i'm confident being with her new man she won't give a stuff about me despite what i'm trying to do. 3 weeks without a single word has put off any chance i have to say "hi, want to go for coffee?" but rather feel bitter and angst-filled about.

Lam is not returning calls or attempting to re-connect. I feel like there might've been a good chance but im assuming his attitudes haven't changed as well.

Hmm let's end this on a good note before i really start to really hate everything.
I hosted a bbq for the car club (toymods) and it has paid off. I was really glad to see people actually participate in my ideas and things went off without too many hitches (i made a mistake of trying to lead a cruise to a beach which i didn't know the exact location but only HOW to get there... people weren't happy about that) but overall the day was extremly fine and i bought along Sara.

One thing i really like about her is that she is willing to try something new, i had told her it was a car orientated bbq and not having to know anyone she came along and she told me she really enjoyed herself! Kudos to you for venturing outside your comfort zone!!! Besides, Alexia and Jenny love Sara.

After the bbq and cruise (to the beach, reminder to put up photos) a small group just headed back to Springvale where we ate rice and not drive it. Afew more left after that and the remainder at this point was Chooney, Ben, Ronald and Lex who just chilled at my place.

I should get some shut eye, i think January was a really good month and i'll try to keep my head up for Febuary.

I pray i make it through on Tuesday for a start.

-Jay