My torment
It's almost been a month since i've had a decent night of sleep.
Each day i hate going to University and i hate myself for not standing up earlier and doing what i really want to do.
No one really understands, especially my family who insists this is the best course for me but i die inside everyday.
University is a routine that i should've gotten used to a year or two ago, i use every excuse to get out of class or not study at all.
Often i feel depressed my life isn't going anywhere and i'm confident the skills i'm learning at the institution will not provide what i will need in the future. I'm haunted almost everynight of a vision, a possibility that could be there if i go for it...
In my eyes, i see success, wealth, happiness in doing what i can do best; that is to create.
Anything from photography, music, storyboards, advertising, script writing...
The thought of saving up for my own dark room or brand new SLR camera brings a sour smile to my face.
Sadly, it's a bit of a catch 22. If i go on with my Uni given my complete lack of motivation and focus i'll most likely just fail and repeat. Or if i just leave i will be branded a complete failure by my family (and myself) for not going that extra 10%.
It's hard to put down in words that i should give it a shot and just finish it, i just mentally blank out.
I've even resorted to asking Jenny for help in time management, study techniques but frankly she's not the support i'd hope for... or even remotely close.
Sometimes i wonder if this nightmare will ever end?
posted by ToFu @ 9/17/2006 06:19:00 am
4 comments
4 Comments:
it will end jason. i believe in you, and i know what your going to be. i dont think u sometimes even realise your actual potential. Ride it out jay, ur ganna get there..and your going to be brilliant. I would never have been your friend for so long if i didnt know how special you are. Your nearly there. We can do this together, just remember..im doing exactly the same thing. Every day is torture because im unable to express myself and im stuck in this hole that is so unfullfilling. Get that piece of paper jay. Sometimes I feel like the world is on top of me, where as all i want is to be on top of the world..but i know, that with faith,and patience we will be soon. Its not long now...hold on.
xoxo Love Emily
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hey jay. I agree with Emily and understand what you mean. Not big on words or stating them here for all to see but if there's anything I can do... just call, I make a good mean biatch that'll force you to study with me lol!
K cya soon buddy!
Thanks guys,
I've been waking up everyday for the last couple of days with only one thing in my mind. So far it seems to work.
But i have to run, i have class now and i'm not going to skip it (plus i have to return my friends schoolbag)
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