Life is a video game...

Listening to: [ Boa - Serial Experiments Lain Intro ]

Why?

University, 13 weeks of skimming through and it doesn't matter what kind of preparation you've invested in you always find yourself feeling restless, anxious and confused by the time you arrive at the doors.

I hate the feeling like my whole life weighs on it (well it kinda does).

Video Game? Well today i was playing Street Fighter II (original) because i was well-prepared and had 15 minutes to spare before Bean arrived to drive me and i realised that our life's like a video game: No matter how long you skim through the piss weak easy levels there's always one thing in the end that'll make or break you. All it takes is a punch by Bison and you're dead. Difference is; you can continue in street fighter.

Here's what pisses me off: Students who DID NOT prepare and you can tell cuz they have the expression of "IMMA GONNA FAIL", their zits are in overdrive, they have coles myer sized bags under their eyes and they seem to smell of redbull trying cram 13 weeks of info in 5 minutes.

Nice. Dickheads.

Then you find someone who is sitting the same exam as you, and they're frantically reading something over and over. Red flag goes up and i;m thinking to myself "does he know something i don't?"
International asians always seem to know the about everything from exam content to redtapes to get a consideration of disavantage. Well we ARE dodgy, there's no denying it. here i'm studying like a true SUCKER.

Well now that i'm worried whether i neglected that area and start questioning my own preparation is sighed "Fuck em, i'll be fine."
And when i sit inside the exam what do i see? The exact area that bubble of pus was studying for.
ASSHOLE! He knew! They all knew! Except for the Aussies and local kids like me.

I thought about changes i would make if i could indeed run the show at Caufield Racecourse where our exams are held:

- People caught reading notes 10 minutes prior to the commencement of the exams will be desanitized with a fire hose, hair shaven, numbered, desexed and segmented into men and females and made into chow in a foccacia oven and served with chips and a salad.
- failure to turn the mobiles off in the exam means instant death. (By beheading or rifle range)
- Replace the elderly examiners with Jessica Alba lookalikes (for... inspirational purposes)
- People who are constantly cough be bagged and gagged.
- You are allowed to leave 10 minutes before the exam finishes.
- Picking your nose while i'm trying to conjure my best answer is an immediate FAIL and subsequent 50 lashers per booger picked, uneducated pusbag. Use a tissue is permitted.
- Unmuffled sneezes (not the wheezy types, i'm talking your asian father shaking the foundations of your house sneeze) results in being expelled, and a beheading if no tissue is applied straight after.
- Do not bite your nails if you come in late, loudly place ur crap on the table, then making the entire room listen while you spit the residue out results in the torture and deportation of family and banning of 6 generations and an additional 500 lashes by the subcontracted brick layers while having their eye lids torn and head restrained to watch the elderly former examiner in iron clad bondage who have be re-assigned.

-All those who do none of the above are awarded free sandwiches, a pass, an XBOX and a hug from the new examiners.

-Jay

p.s: I think i did well today.
p.p.s: Bean, thanks for the Case summaries "the director was in breach of his fiduciary duties because he packed so much awesomeness.. ". Just thought you'd like to know two things: 1. I couldn't use that case cuz i had no idea what u had summarised. 2. I nearly laughed out loud which would've rendered me open for 50 lashes.



Pictured: M. Bison (Bad ass) - Source: Wikipedia.org