loathe the ground

Listening to: [ Audioslave - Getaway Car ]

Discipline. A word i'm quite familiar with in the last couple of days.

I sit at the 6th floor of the menzies in a perfectly summer like weather in winter. Tired, and dying for a cigarette.

The last couple of days i've starved myself of my old best friend cigarettes, i don't exactly know why i gave up but one day without motive or reason i just smoked the last one and that was it. It wasn't even planned for or anything.

The cravings have taken a dive and i find myself going without a cigarette quite easily. I walked through the corridor at the menzies where it's common to find a group of smokers lurching by the pillars and though the thought of buying a pack crossed my mind i didn't carry through with it.

Am i feeling happier? Not really.

Do i feel healthier? Nope.
Am i proud of myself? You betcha. Ironic when i used to say i would quit and now i have in a way. This time it looks as if i might quit for good because i don't really have a reason to get back on it.

I've started to take some initiative, and i read some of the hand outs mark gave the guys at chalkboard 2 weeks ago and it hit me what most of the things i wanted to change about myself or the world around me isn't happening so... there. I've done something about but i'll ride it out slowly because i don't want to get my hopes up if something doesn't happen.

Ive got my phone with me so i'll try and upload a shot of what i'm doing as i speak. You can see the top of the laptop and the anti-suicide bars.



-Jay