That sugar cane...

Listening to: [ R.E.M. - Imitation of Life ]

It's been a funny sort of week.
While i got most of my university studies done, two significant things happened in this whole ordeal that stood out form the rest.

Firstly, Mike left the band. He left because he said he had no time and cannot afford to commit to the band anymore... Chalkboard fell behind and as i have pushed for a late March launch it's not going to happen but we can still manage a mid April launch i think with full artwork and a more organized marketing campaign so the push back will be worth it.

The other event, i was trying to fix my network between my sisters computer my own which I think did more harm than good because i resorted to starting the network from scratch because i thought the network had conflicting protocols and deleted an import file... which led me to search for my Windows XP cd... packed in a box somewhere under my bed. There, i found a dull green manuscript, my diary from year 8.

Saying the number of years out loud, 9 years makes me realise how fast time really is.

Anyway, having said that... flicking through it i remembered we used an old system of "good" and "bad" notes where teachers would write down what you've done to deserve them.

Some of them were, "Jason must not talk", "Did not be silent during reading time", "disruptive in class", "did not bring his PE gear", "did not obey teachers instructions"

and here's a funny one "fell off chair and make a ruckus" <- i love that one.

Slap a few detentions, late notes, and the thousands of notes to teachers about why i did not hand in an assessment or failure to complete my homework in a handwriting and signature that looks remarkably like mine definitely made me smile.

I don't remember the boy i used to be, but i have flashes about how fun it was to misbehave, to laugh all day, to spend the annual income of $2 at the tuckshop and the bounty we can buy with two whole “bucks”.
This will be reserved for a full blog about 1997, but as i flicked towards the end of the diary i made a "signature" section (which i must admit was neatly coloured in bright waxed crayons, I loved my crayons.) had general well wishing for the next year... in this faded blue ballpoint note read : "Hey Brotha, Best wishes next year" and another inscription in the same writing next to the original "okay i'm just filling space... don't forget me.... your brothers... wamy (lawsom), Necro(Chow), Monin..."

Only to realise that handwriting is Minh's.

It's been nearly 3 years now since he passed away, as i write this i still feel like i can look up the address and telephone section of my diary and call him. It hit home hard today and made me pause stay in a trace-like state for about a half an hour. Reading through my diary, i traveled through time as though i'm seeing myself in the past playing hockey and four square with some kids that i would say my life evolved around... and on the other side of the door stood me alone.

In a way, i'm happy the memories i have of my dearest friend is a good one... full of singing, being a menace, that true essence of being a child like the one depicted in the movie "stand by me"... i want to talk to my friend... i want to tell him the world has changed since that year and what i'm doing now.

He'd probably ask me am i happy? I'd say not really and i can imagine "well then, BE HAPPY THEN!" because that how irrational Minh was, and how we all were.
Maybe the answer we’re all looking for is as simple as that… just be happy!

“I’ve got uni” … so?
“I got a speeding fine” … so what?

When i think about it now, life's just a flashing moment... a memory in someone else’s eyes because if 9 years can go by like that then our lives are nothing more than trivia and an split instant in the universe.

I glad that the life of Minh lives and survived in the people who knew him best.
A rebel, a star, a hero and a brother. Come home soon old friend, i really miss you. I don't believe in RIP (Rest in peace) but rather, AAW (Alive and well) because i think that's how he'll always be... really.

I'm listening on a song (on repeat).
It captures what i'm trying to say really well.

-Jay

R.E.M. - Imitation of Life

Charades, pop skill
Water hyacinth, named by a poet.
Imitation of life
Like a koi in a frozen pond
Like a goldfish in a bowl
I don’t want to hear you cry

Thats sugarcane that tasted good
Thats cinnamon thats hollywood
C’mon c’mon no one can see you try

You want the greatest thing
The greatest thing since bread came sliced.
You’ve got it all, you’ve got it sized.
Like a friday fashion show teenager
Freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don’t try

Thats sugarcane that tasted good.
Thats cinnamon thats hollywood
C’mon c’mon no one can see you try

No one can see you cry

Thats sugarcane that tasted good
Thats freezing rain thats what you could
C’mon c’mon no one can see you cry

This sugarcane
This lemonade
This hurricane, I’m not afraid.
C’mon c’mon no one can see me cry
This lightning storm
This tidal wave
This avalanche, I’m not afraid.
C’mon c’mon no one can see me cry

Thats sugarcane that tasted good
Thats who you are, thats what you could
C’mon c’mon no one can see you cry

Thats sugarcane that tasted good
Thats who you are, thats what you could
C’mon c’mon no one can see you cry

riders on the storm

Listening to: [ R.E.M. - Losing my religion ]

It's now Sunday evening, Melbourne had a pretty hot day for March.
Didn't do anything except go to the beach with Chow, McMahon, Cat, Monica and Lan.

It was a really nice day... it got cloudy late in the afternoon but the water was wonderful...
I was sitting down while everyone else was in the water and i was meant to read up on "Masters of financial planning" book and struggled with a chapter telling us to be honest, diligence and truthful to our clients... about 25 pages of elaborated common sense crap so i kind of tuned out and just listened to the waves, the people laughing and the orange. For a short moment i felt at peace and reflected on the thing's that are happening in my life and what made me happy.

Well, Chalkboard is very close to finishing the first volume. After a year of hardwork we're almost there... i haven't pinned our successon this because i think it'll take time to get recognition but i'm glad to know the effort we made to make it a great story... no short cuts, no half arsed shit.

I truly wish i can say the same for my Uni, i've taken the time to organise myself into a routine which includes sleeping early and setting times to actually complete my homework... so far i'd give that effort a 6/10 with room for improvement.

I'm waiting for my hair to dry before i sleep but i'm already sweating again.
I'm quite annoyed that where i live it's a big of a double edged sword when it comes to the weather.

When it's hot, the house is really cool... the house is built on bricks but the problem with bricks is... once it starts cooling off... the bricks still retain a lot of heat and that's the situation i'm in now.

Well, i'm going to pour myself a nice glass of cold water and maybe sit outside the balcony until i feel like i'm ready to dose off.. Susan is meant to pick me up in about 7 hours for carpooling and i'm afraid all she will see is the bags under my eyes but who can blame me for sleeping in such humidity... i have to hand it to the folks up near the equator...

-Jay

Monash social classes...

Something happend today and i'm not happy.

Pissed off actually.

My day started off well, i woke up at 6:30am and arrived at to my class.

In the afternoon, i promised my friend i'd buy a book for because she was worried the bookstore on campus would be closed and she would happily pay me back.

So there i'm lining up to pay for the book and i bumped into my little sister's friend; Leanne. Leanne, she's cool but the company she was keeping today was not.

She was with by two of her friends and i sensed something was quite definately NOT right with one of them like she was mean, or a socialite (which is common at Monash i'm afraid).

I cut in line behind Leanne the line was starting to look ridiculous and i wanted to have a chat and ahead of us was this beautiful girl. She wasn't skinny, she wasn't fat but she had this radiance about her that made me feel warm and happy. She was greeting her friend like she hasn't seen him in awhile and she was all smiles... i couldn't help but overhear "I'm not from here, i'm from Berwick".

I never really gave thought about Berwick aside from that it's far, despite my thoughts on taking some subjects there because a friend recommended the smaller sizes classrooms really gave him the support he needed.

Anyway, the "mean girl" was worried about the fail marks appearing on her final transcript but she was supported by her friends and reassured that Monash marks are really hard to obtain. They used someone from VUT (Victoria Uni) who would recieve A+'s recieve the D+ equivilent in Monash and laughed.

The mean girl then said "Yeah, it's like students from Berwick trying to pretend they're in Clayton"

and then it happend... it's like all the lights just shut off from my friend and everything went dark with me asking "Did i just hear what i thought i heard?"

The girls giggled and the angel from Berwick looked absolutely shattered. She wasn't smiling anymore nor was she talking.

I don't think the "plastics" noticed this but they've really hit the nail on someone and i wanted to slap the shit out of her.

What the fuck?! i mean seriously, what gives you the right to say that? I'm hoping for her sake she didn't see it because she heard her say she was in Berwick.

Me personally, who cares what campus you go to?

I don't see a "Clayton forever!" or any Monash apparel from her for that matter... if the campus burnt down tomorrow she'd probably say "Okay, where's the next closest Uni for all the fake, pretentious, socalite losers like me to run amok?"

That's just wrong. Really wrong. I guess i would've just thought "man what a b!t#h" every other day but today the situation was exacerbated and i've really got to vent this.

I repeated loudly, hoping the poor girl would hear "all uni degree's are the same. The degrees you recieve don't have campuses written on them and they all say "Monash Univeristy... blah blah blah"

The mean girl replied "Oh, why not?!" Like that was anything to be proud of.

"Well, they should!"

Sure, i'm proud of the campus that hold fakes, the campus whose toilet stinks more than the a dog's breathe does on a really bad day and the shitty building that sinks half an inch every year. Oh yeah, I love it.

A part of me wanted to chase after her and tell her we're not all that bad and don't let a few rotten apples spoil the barrel lines but i don't know why i didn't. I paid for the book, told the girls what they had done and while they giggled and (probably) felt bad... i walked ahead and i didn't want to be in their presense any longer chasing after the girl.

I looked for anyone carrying a brown "Monash bookshop" bag but nothing. If i could wind the clock back for a few hours... today would be it. I hope she's okay... she just looked really hurt. I mean, think about it... you're having a good day and you decide to finally pay over the top prices for your book in clayton, bump into a friend and then like a real televised drama get told the institution you attend is a piece of shit compared to the "real" campus and you're left pondering that thought as your self esteem just got tagged for extermination.

Fuck, we're in Uni for God's sake... how can people protest about different social classes, the "Marxism" posters, economic and political reforms and other inequalities when we have pinheads who think they're better because they worship the concrete they stand on? (Technically, it was carpet)

No one's shit smells better than anyone elses. Period.

-Jay